walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
Randomize
