I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
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