You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Randomize
