I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
Randomize
