kristin has been a bad kristin
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
Randomize
