Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
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