No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
What should our trivia night team be named?
Define Statutory
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
Randomize
