This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
Randomize
