yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
Randomize
