Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
Randomize
