Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Randomize
