my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
