These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
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