I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
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