Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
Randomize
