do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
