Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
I intend to get homeless drunk
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
Randomize
