I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
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