a queef is a wish your heart makes.
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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