At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Randomize
