he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
