I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
I think I won the penis lottery.
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
