so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
Pooping to opera.
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
