Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
Randomize
