im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
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