Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
Randomize
