question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
Randomize
