Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
Never joke about your clitoris.
Randomize
