Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
Randomize
