Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
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