She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
Randomize
