You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
Randomize
