I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
Randomize
