listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
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