I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
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