what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
Randomize
