I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
