there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
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