How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
