There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
i'm transferring to degrassi. i don't care that it's severely canadian. classes are five minutes long, there's no actual work and you can get oot of class whenever you want to go have a dramatic scene with someone in the hall
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
Randomize
