Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Randomize
