I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Randomize
