what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
God I need to hump something, right now.
Randomize
