It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
Randomize
