I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
Pregnant stripper...not hot.
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
Green mimosas i think yes
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Randomize
