i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
I take back everything I said about communal showers
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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