i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
Holy sore nipples Batman
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Randomize
