My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
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