I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
Randomize
