Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
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