Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
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