he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
My vagina just clenched in fear
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
Randomize
