You're my little dorito
im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
Randomize
